Review: Cleansing Cream by Dr Hauschka

Moving on, so we come onto the riddle that's the Cleansing Cream by Dr. Hauschka. What can I say? For beauties accustomed to soap, gels, wipes, cream, and the like, you know, the usual cleansing fare - and even for those adventurous beauty flies using the handheld Neutrogena Wave thingymagig - the CC is stranger than fiction, stranger than those football "off-side rules" (come again?).....

Maybe it's their bio-dynamic, rhythmic skincare philosophy, maybe it's their advised "roll and press" motion, or erm, maybe it's me and my monthly cycle? But as an AM to PM cleanser, it's a downright bother for non-mommies - it requires all your womanly gentleness, patience, attention, and then some more....

It's a fine thing my mini tube (15 ml, £2.98) came included in the Daily Face Care Kit (£14.98, for normal skin), otherwise I'd be weeping in my chai teacup stuck with an entire tube of this stuff (50ml, £13.98). (Despite this the kit is terribly cute and brilliant value in a shiny tin, including Cleansing Milk, Facial Toner, and Moisturizing, Quince, and Rose Day creams.)

Though it's weird, I'm in love with the idea of it....

What charming relatives call "my bloomers" (or reddened cheeks to you and me), they are nonetheless delighted with his luschious Rose Cream Light, so why does the CC leave me cold? How can you fault his dedicated botanical garden in some German wilderness harvesting the purest of ingredients? How can you not hum in agreement with the logic of his bio-rhythmic skincare in sync with Nature? How can you not be tickled by his little green apothecary filled with busy bees labouring to distill the mysterious properties of plants? So, like how I want to do that hot water 'n' lemon detox thing every morning (ho hum, it's not happening), I want to love his CC. But alas, I can't.

Playing around with cleansers has become my bete noire - eh, I wouldn't recommend it. Maybe I've too much lady leisure time, but I can't commit because, erm, I fancy them all. (Like being faced with a display of iced frou-frou cupcakes at the Hummingbird Bakery, what does one do in such dilemmas eh? Choose one? Hello? I want them all!) I've been on this Holy Grail mission for an organic cleanser since the nineties (Okay I've no bio-rhythms clearly, but for far too long...), and I've now compromised by picking 'n' mixing to my daily fancy (typically Liz Earle's or Spiezia's), but this has to be the queerest of the lot, like, totally enlightening (heh no, I didn't find the Dalai Lama in a tube!) Eh, not for me, maybe you'll strike gold...

If you've a secret history of Budweiser-sipping (hey one jests, I realise you're far too body-ethical for that with your bottled Fuji water), you'll adore its fermented smell - beery, yeasty, full of hops and character. (Undiluted, I nearly fainted. Think alcoholic's breath.) Beware, it's not likened to your pleasant stroll through the fresh bakery aisles at Wholefoods cupping the wholesome aroma of fresh bloomers, oh no, it more intoxicating than that. A concentrated formula, it does deserves thumbs up for economy.

At night, begin by mixing a small blob with a smattering of water, then "roll and press" the diluted paste into your skin. Roll, press, roll, press, roll, press, etc. Then, continue this rolling and pressing motion for another hour (Okay, 5 mins or so. Do some mental gymnastics or something to pass time....). Continue this for deep, deep cleansing. Finally, satisfied with your rolling and pressing finger-workout (give the poor baby a rest), remove with generous splashes of water and a cold muslin compress (bought separately, but any old muslin will suffice). Yes, at long last, you're done, hooray, believe it! (And - Gee, is that the rising sun? Where's the time gone? You wonder... )

Therein lies my niggle with this cleanser. Oh my, I don't have the motherly patience. Time is of essence, and I'm no longer a gap-year student with hungry eyes and undiscovered worlds at her flip flops. Otherwise, I'd invest. Leaving the skin wickedly soft and comfortable, its beery cheerfulness has stolen my affection.

Quality ingredients do maketh a cleanser, and this peanut-butter-looking formula doesn't disappoint. Filled with almond meal and peanut particles (suitable for nut-allergy sufferers, they say), they're quick to insist it's not an exfoliator. They speak the truth. Even my weekly cleaner (alright, in one's dreams) would struggle to polish my age-old Tweezermans shiny and new once again with this. With no dedicated exfoliator in the range - their philosophy and methodology are too skin-humane for that - the overriding premise is to preserve the skin's fragile acid-mantle (PH) with the skin-friendliest of nature's plants. With soothing herbal extracts (kidney vetch, calendula, chamomile, St. John's Wort), what eco-snob could complain? One of the two cleansers in the range, it suits all save the ultra-sensitive, in which case they urge you to seek the Cleansing Milk.

But raised with a careless hand (mine), I just can't feel the love enough to adopt such a genteel, time-luxurious daily routine, making CC and me no happy Mister and Mrs. If you like your cleansing mean and vigorous, the CC's not for you. Our affair may've been breathlessly brief (we lasted a jolly 10 days together), but I've learnt that some products shine, and some need a little tinkling with....

One desire, but one can't love them all.....